- Ian Mai
- Sep 8
- 3 min read
Spiritual Skill: Self-Control (wk. 11/13)
In fitness we LOVE to talk about the utility of cheat meals. Cheat meals are EXCITING when you have been dieting for long periods of time. The problem? Most people turn a cheat meal into a cheat day, week, month and finally into a life completely out of control. The effectiveness of a cheat meal relies completely on self-control. Self-control can be anchored by three things: emotional awareness, long term vision, and a rooted identity. Each of these can be developed through prayer. Prayer is our most powerful tool for building self-control.
When you are most likely to be impulsive to break your diet, it is often related to strong emotional experiences of anxiety, fear, and overwhelm. In our humanness we will seek comfort, and we can often find comfort in quick fixes like food or alcohol. This immediate gratification often overcomes fleeting motivation. Fleeting motivation and immediate gratification often require keeping long term values in focus which makes way for discipline, even when the short-term feels more rewarding. Finally, the strongest self-control comes when your choices align with who you are. “I don’t smoke” vs. “I am trying to quit” has two different results in modifying impulsive behavior and increasing self-control.
Prayer has become overlooked as the key to self-control because we trivialize the power of prayer. We may have simple prayers before we eat and before we go to bed. “Thank you Jesus for our food and our many blessings” and “now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep” are cute from our childhood but lack the REAL power of prayer for building self-control.
But looking at each of the components of self-control, we can see prayer is critical to utilize effectively. Jesus shows us this in the garden of Gethsemane. First, we can recognize the emotional weight Jesus is carrying in Matthew 26:38 when he shares with James, John, and Peter,
“He told them, ‘My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.’”
With that weight, he then prays in Matthew 26:39,
“He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, ‘My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.’”
It is a masterclass in POWERFUL prayer. Emotional awareness is critical to get right, and Jesus doesn’t hide the emotional turmoil He is in when He first shares with His inner three. He then prays deeply into that emotional overwhelm. He doesn’t think about it. He doesn’t ruminate in it. He vocalizes His prayer out loud.
Worrying about your circumstances isn’t the same as praying about your circumstances.
Jesus uses His prayer to align Himself to the long-term vision. It’s not Jesus’ short-term turmoil He focuses on rather than God’s will that has the biggest impact. He leans into the long term. Prayer aligns yourself with God’s will.
God’s will is rarely short-term gratification.
And of all of these, the most powerful is a rooted identity. In Jesus’ prayer He proclaims God as “Father.” For God to be Father, Jesus must be a son. Seems like a trivial comment but the truth is this:
We often forget our Godly identity when we are struggling with self-control.
Prayer isn’t a simple rehearsed phrase, which loses power and effectiveness. Prayer is a connection to our identity in God, the Father. Prayer helps us commit to the long-term vision over the short-term gain. Prayer is our greatest tool for sitting with our strongest emotions. We are cheating ourselves into a life out of control when we don’t use prayer effectively. Self-control starts with prayer.
Questions for Reflection:
What are your current prayer practices and being honest with yourself, have you trivialized them?
What areas are you lacking self-control that you need to rebuild your prayer habits around?