Shadow Drill

Spiritual Exercise: Solitude (wk. 7/13)

Reading: Genesis 32:22-32

As a 14-year-old kid I competed in middle school wrestling in the 154-pound weight class. That’s beefy for a 14-year-old. I was told I could be great. I knew I could be too, but I didn’t have many options for training. There weren’t many other kids that fit that size and weight to train with. I was often left alone to practice by myself and do “shadow” drills. It is in this kind of solitude that we try to wrestle for what WE want. It is in the solitude that we try to wrestle with God. When we wrestle with God, we end up wrestling with our identity and His purpose for our life.

Eventually the coaches invited my 16-year-old brother down from high school wrestling practice to put me in my place. A manchild beating up on a boy. I couldn’t compete with him, but I got better MUCH faster. As a result, I won the district championship for my weight class. I became great but not until AFTER I wrestled a bigger opponent.

In our faith we often wrestle with the influences of what the world tells us we “deserve” and what blessings are. Blessings like the house, wealth, status, and success. We transactionally hope for spiritual skills equating to more of these blessings. Deeper faith for deeper pockets right? It is only when we seek solitude that we can begin to diminish the worldly influences and instead wrestle with God in a way that influences what He wants for us. God isn’t wrestling with us – He's wrestling for us. This championship isn’t about status but about deep and meaningful connection with God.

In Genesis, Jacob wanted worldly blessings. He built up his entire life around his insecurity for not having access to “enough” blessing. He was willing to trick and manipulate people to try to get more for himself. He manipulated and tricked his father. He manipulated his father in law. He was told he would become great but didn’t understand the path to his greatness wasn’t the insecure ways in which he attempted to get it.

This accumulates one night after Jacob is faced with losing everything he has accrued from himself. Jacob has sent away all of his family, his possessions, and wealth. It is in the solitude that Jacob begins wrestling with God and loses the fight.

In Genesis 32:26, “Then the man said, ‘Let me go, for it is daybreak.’ But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.’”

Jacob continues to try to get the blessing from God.

It continues in Genesis 32:28, “Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

It is only after God shows Jacob a new identity and a new purpose for his life that Jacob receives the blessing he desperately wants. Israel means “God prevails” and it is God’s identity and purpose that will prevail above Jacob’s.

God has many promises for us, promises of abundance but much of that abundance isn’t in the world but in relationship with Him. We have to move into solitude away from the world to enter the promises, abundance, and purpose God has for us. Solitude is where wrestling happens. Wrestling with God transforms us so God’s good plans can prevail in us.

Questions for Reflection:

Is it difficult for you to get into solitude? What do you struggle with in finding solitude?

What purpose in your life are you still wrestling with?