Unraveled

Spiritual Essential: Suffering

Reading: 2 Corinthians 1:3-11

“For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” (2 Corinthians 1:5)

On an ordinary day in the gym warming up for a deadlift session, I felt something I never had before – a pop in my left low back. Immediately after, a wave of pain began radiating from where I felt the pop all the way down my left leg. It was intense pain. The kind that makes you want to lay down.

So I did. And as I sat on the gym floor, I started trying to process what had happened. My warmup had been the same. It was a light weight on the bar, and I was moving good with full range of motion and no restrictions.  I thought it was something I could fight through. So I got back up, cinched my weight belt as tight as I could, and came back to the bar. But just bending over, the pain was so bad that I knew even touching that barbell could have further consequences.

In that moment, I was unraveled.

Now, if you’ve never had chronic pain before, just stop reading and praise God. Because I had never had chronic pain either. Until this back injury. And it’s crazy because you think you can just swallow some ibuprofen, ice it down, and then pop right back. But chronic pain, the kind of suffering I was beginning to experience, is something completely different. It reminded me of how fragile I really am, and it deepened my dependence on God.

Because sometimes that’s what suffering does. To be honest though, I didn’t praise God when it happened. I questioned God. What had I done to deserve this? Why did this have to happen right before our summer family trip to Colorado? What I learned is that suffering doesn’t just unravel your body, it can also unravel your soul. Sometimes God must unravel the parts of us we’ve wrapped around ourselves before He can weave us into something stronger.

My memories of that trip mostly include my family patiently waiting for me everywhere we went because I could only walk about 45 seconds before the pain would get so bad that I had to sit down. I would wait for it to subside and then go again. Suffice it to say, I didn’t make my daily step goal on that trip.

But I did have another breakthrough – a spiritual one. There in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains on a fly-fishing trip with my sons, I thanked God for my suffering. I thanked Him that He had suffered far worse for me, and that even though I was down, I was not out. I thanked Him that I could still be on a river catching fish and enjoying quality time with my boys.

At the time, it felt like my life was unraveling. Looking back, I can see God was simply weaving another thread into the tapestry of my life He was creating. There are seasons when life feels like it’s coming apart at the seams. If that’s where you are today, don’t assume God has lost hold of your life. He may be doing His deepest work in the very places that feel unraveled.

Questions for Reflection:

Have you struggled with chronic pain? If so, how has that shaped your faith?

What has suffering revealed about where your dependence really rests?